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Wandering the halls of my own home. Going through the motions of life. Stuck. In an endless cycle of the same old routine. I just feel a bit empty.
I think it's safe to say by now, that the internship is out the window. I was kind of looking forward to the idea of a change in scenery. I just can't help feeling so stuck here. Feels like I've been walking through a dream these past couple weeks. It could be that I've cut way back on my caffeine consumption. So, I'm just feeling incessantly tired, but I can't seem to get a deep enough sleep to help.. It's really frustrating.
I have two days left in this term, and then I'll start work full time over the summer. More meaningless hours to waste away in front of a computer. Time seems to be moving so slowly in my life, like I'm hanging in limbo waiting for something to happen. I'm not even sure what I'm waiting for. Also frustrating. I keep trying desperately to clear my head and find focus, but I'm struggling to figure out what to focus on. Weight loss? I can't seem to bring myself to the focus I had in November. That's when I started my extreme dieting. Now, I'm lacking that drive, and eating "right" is more habitual and less strict as the cravings and mindless eating have been taking over a bit more. In January, I built a motivation to train for the sake of becoming a badass. Even that's dwindled, but I've managed to revive it enough to keep me going to the gym somewhat regularly.
I don't know. Perhaps, I'm just in a large bump of "bad days" and I just need to wade through them. It's making my final projects a pain to finish... or even think about finishing. It's just all seeming so irrelevant. I hope I can kick myself out of this rut soon, though. The Color Run is less than two weeks away, and I don't want my first 5k to be blown away in a wisp of memory.
In other news, I've found a new, interesting show hosted by Anna Richardson from Supersize vs Superskinny (Another great show, btw) called Secret Eaters. It's good for some reverse thinspo, and has some nice tips about eating. Check it out.
Stay Strong!
you've quite an interesting blog ♥ wished you would post more often or more regularly. hopefully you're better now - moving - there is nothing worse than being stuck somewhere...
ReplyDeletei've also watched the first season of secret eaters. it's very entertaining and to me,.. it even works better than the usual inspirations..
best of luck
xoxo Claudelle