Bingeing and Purging..

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So, the November challenge started out pretty well, actually. I had a successful Fast on Sunday regardless of having gone to the movies that night. However, Monday was not a very good day, but Tuesday turned out well with only Soup (200), Grahmcrackers (550) and Milano cookies (370) for the entire day. But then yesterday...

It really didn't start all that bad, but I have this particular weakness for these Asiago Bagels (and well, bagels in general) at this little shop in the train station where I commute. I noticed that I always crave more sugary and bready things once I indulge this weakness. It seems to happen when I eat almost anything bread or pasta related, but anyways.. I bought two and ate them for "breakfast" and "lunch". I also had caramel flavored coffee and a petite vanilla scone from Starbucks. Really and truly, that wasn't so bad and I still had the chance to finish the day on a good note.

Oh no. I binged. I binged pretty bad last night. Granted, it was kind of a planned binge, because all I could think about for the rest of the day was sugar and I argued that I was going to start something "tomorrow", so I have only myself to blame for getting 10 oz bag of chewy, sour Jolly Ranchers, and that Sea Salt Caramel Gelato (Oh my gawd! It was AMAZING!!!! In the worst possible way....). So I ate those as well as a hefty bowl of spaghetti bolonaise that my dad made.. I tell you, I felt down right sick after consuming all that junk.. Unfortunately because of that, I ended up purging for only the third time in my entire life. It scared me.. It really scared me.. It scared me to think how much easier it was this time compared to the first two time, and how little it effected me afterwards.. I always told myself I wouldn't be one of those people.. I wouldn't purge. I wouldn't ever enter that cycle of bingeing and purging. Even if I genuinely felt ill, I would keep it in and sit with those feelings of regret and anguish. I would suffer through it.. But all I could think about last night was how much better would I feel if I could just get it out. I didn't want to sit with the pain, I didn't want to leave it in there, I couldn't take it. So, I took the "easy" way out in order to stop the pain.. only to find that it's been leaving me with a different kind of pain.

This is the last time though! No more! I will not let myself get to a point that I fill sick from overeating. On top of my plan for November, I'm issuing another, small challenge. It'll only be a week long test, just to see if I can do it. I'm going completely vegetarian for a week. No meat. No bread. No Candy. No Chocolate. No artificial stuff. Only fruits, vegetables, nuts, and a small amount of dairy (Mostly eggs). I need to end this artificial sugar addiction and replace it with real food and nutrients.

I'll try to start small. Baby steps. If I can make it through the day on coffee, water, fruits and veg. Then... I'll go to sleep satisfied.

Hope things are going better for you.
Stay Strong!